He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
