you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
