I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
