Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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