we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
