I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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