he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
