I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
