I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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