the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
