the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sober January is a disaster.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
