Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
