No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
