could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
