we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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