This is not my ceiling
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
