I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
