i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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