Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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