ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
