If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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