Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
