please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
