biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
