Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize