WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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