You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
