sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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