I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
