He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
