I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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