Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
