I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
