Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
