Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
