"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize