I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
