Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
