I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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