We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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