Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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