no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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