Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
