fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
