We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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