I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
