These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
