Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
