I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
actually, I'm a sock model
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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