I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
