mondays should just be called national damage control day
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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