life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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