She announced her abortion via fbk
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
