his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
