I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Need sex. Gaining weight.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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