I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
