I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my shit smells like andre
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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