Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize