I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
