She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
