but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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