am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
