Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's always time for handjobs
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
