This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
