For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
