$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
