Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
