I want to make a zoo with you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
