4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
