they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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