i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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