i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Actions speak louder than pants.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
