We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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