I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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