there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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