I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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