Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
