the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize