She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We have started to decorate penises.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
