Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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