lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
