Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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