we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
