I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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