why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
there's paper in my vomit.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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