I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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