Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
