i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
