It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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