What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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