She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
