I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
