I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
