how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
