census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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