I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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