I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
