Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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