It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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