I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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