He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
