OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize