i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
