If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Fuck appropriateness.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
