Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
