She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize