whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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