I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize