you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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