piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize