So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
