I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
