I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
