You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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