idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
