but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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