My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
